ATP Stans: Part II

(ATP Stans is an ongoing series from YVS to document the variety of stans in men’s tennis.  For background information, please see Part I.)

Yesterday I covered Roger Federer stans.  Today, I cover a similar beast:

Rafael Nadal Stans
Unlike Federer stan-dom, Nadal stan-dom has only steadily increased throughout the years.  After Nadal’s first Roland Garros win in 2005, he has only surpassed the expectations set for him — this overachieving has led to delusions of grandeur in his stans’ eyes.

Nadal stans can generally be separated into two categories: Spartans and Phantoms.

“Spartans” are aggressively in-your-face stans, who incessantly bring up Rafa’s winning head to heads against certain top players, his clay court record, and career golden slam.  They treat every Nadal victory on clay like a 6-0, 6-0 drubbing, using language like “[x] bent over and took it from Spartan Warrior RAFA today!!!!”.  Spartans take their name from constantly describing Nadal as a “Spartan” on clay, mostly because of his body-crippling style of play and warrior-like attitude on court.  Most Spartans amass thousands of posts in a year’s time.

The quintessential example of the "Spartan." Mungo also exemplifies the Federer reverse stan.

“Phantoms” are Nadal stans (often fangirls) who suffer from a Couvade-like syndrome, taking on some of Nadal’s own characteristics.  These include:

• False modesty to the extreme, often depicting Rafa as the underdog, no matter what the circumstances.  Instances include: every Roland Garros final against Federer ever, who is clearly the favorite if he plays his best
• Often using injuries to excuse losses or inferring injuries as a reason for being down to an opponent
• Severe belief in superstition, especially “jinxes”
• A tenuous grasp of the English language

The "Phantom."

Regardless of category, Nadal stans heavily invest in the future, often making statements like “At this rate, Rafa will win 25 slams!!!”, “Rafa is the GOAT and will surpass Federer’s slams, NID!!”, and “I don’t see anyone beating Rafa ever!!!!”.  Generally, Nadal stans lack basic math skills and common sense, which allows them to make any number of absurd statements; they also abuse established rules of punctuation and syntax.  Stans worship Nadal like a deity and inappropriately use the words “God,” “religion,” “Saint,” “hero,” “epic,” “perfect,” and “Jesus.”  This devotion blinds Nadal stans to any criticism of Nadal’s time wasting, suspect injury timeouts, and illegal coaching.

Nadal stans are also unique in that they have the special power to project their own fantasies onto Nadal because of his general lack of a personality.  This leads them to make inferences like:

• “Rafa shops at Asda?????? I shop at Asda!!!!! He’s just like us!!!!!!”
• “Rafa likes chocolate????? I like chocolate!!!! He’s just like us!!!!!!”
• “Rafa and Novak hugged once at net, they are best friends!!!!!!!!!!”
• “Rafa bites his trophies, he is so quirky, fun, and cute!!!!!!!!!!!”
• “RAFA SHOOK HANDS WITH FEDERROR AT NET HE SO HUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Any attempts to puncture this image of Rafa they’ve created in their minds are met with staunch resistance.  See: Lynn Barber.

Note the use of personal attacks - the classic weapon of the Nadal stan.

"she should stick her questions up her ass and beg for an autograph"

Ultimately, Nadal stans can be most accurately described as a herd of sheep, unable to critically think for themselves with only a repertoire of monosyllable words in their vocabulary.  The cultish worship of Nadal makes his Spartan stans extremely dangerous as they will become disproportionately aggressive and make threats on behalf of their hero.  Phantom stans are not dangerous, only annoying: they are easily distracted by shiny objects and pictures of Nadal.

The natural enemy of the Nadal stan is the Federer stan.  However, while their hatred for Federer stans still burns fiercely, Nadal stans have shifted their focus to other opponents since the Federer-Nadal Head to Head is irredeemably in Nadal’s favor and has thus sealed Nadal’s supremacy as GOAT.  Nadal stans used to enjoy a camaraderie with Djokovic stans over their mutual hatred of Federer, but Djokovic’s recent wins over Nadal on his best surface have embarrassed Nadal stans and this relationship has become strained.  Some Nadal stans have stooped so low as to cheer for Federer.

Most of the mainstream media currently stans for Nadal although the tides are shifting.

Self assessment

Below are some examples from the Nadal stan-base.  Can YOU determine which particular symptoms these Nadal stans are suffering from?  (See answer key below.)

1.

2.

3.

Answers:
1. Start da game is suffering from: a) blaspheming, in particular not comprehending the appropriate use of the word “God” b) moderately belligerent response to potential critics with “blind breed” c) potential Federer reverse stanning

2. careergrandslam is suffering from: a) delusion, compounded by a lack of common sense b) blaspheming, inability to understand meaning of words “religion” and “God” c) fantasy projection

3. Rafa is the GOAT is suffering from: a) delusions of grandeur, compounded by a lack of math skills b) heavy investment in future Nadal results c) hero worship

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