That Is the Ugliest Effing Skirt I Have Ever Seen

Today I stumbled upon this shirt from adidas for the US Open

shirtback

wtf is this

wat. I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s start with the top. It looks like someone skinned the trashy leopard that no one wanted to hang out with in the tribe. This is a tennis match, not bloody Animal Planet. Then somehow, the leopard evolves into some kind of strange flower at the bottom. It’s like the designer realized that the top of the shirt was completely STUPID and then tried to fix it by making it more feminine? Sorry to say, but those two don’t cancel each other out. DESIGNING: YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.

This is as bad as Dominik Hrbaty‘s shirt with the cut-out back. At least we saw some skin then. (Although it was not skin we wanted to see. Like, ever.)

05hrbaty

You know what, never mind. Even the leopard flower garbage is better than this faux skank get up.

Anyways, I decided to head over to the adidas site to look up more pictures of this shirt’s back and see if it gets better. Instead of finding more pictures of that shirt, I learned that Verdasco‘s nickname is “Tabasco.” (Although I hear he’s trying to make FeVer happen as well. Give it up, it’s never going to be peRFect like Federer’s.)

I also found out that Novak Djokovic released a shoe line in January that apparently NO ONE heard about. While Rafa has the bull and Roger has ~RF~, Nole has…a falcon. WHAT DOES A FALCON HAVE TO DO WITH TENNIS. I don’t understand what qualities a falcon has that Nole even remotely exhibits. The entire concept is ridiculous.

[Djokovic] played tennis on an airborne court against a flying opponent, and when finished was greeted by a real life Falcon to help him launch his new range.

I chose the Falcon as my signature line as I believe my style of play is just like a falcon hunting.

Novak Djokovic

Whut. How is your style of play like a falcon hunting? Falcon hunting. Your play. This is like some bs crap I would throw into term papers when I was desperate and needed to reach that 10 page minimum.

Tolstoy chooses the name Anna for his female protagonist because of the symmetry offered by the name. The palindromic symmetry of Anna’s name mirrors the circular theme of Anna Karenina‘s storyline with the novel opening and ending with a train accident.

A hypothetical essay by me

I don’t even know why a falcon’s presence was required there for the launch. Did Rafa bring a bull to launch his Toro crap? Did Federer bring a clone to launch his ~RF~ line? THIS GIMMICKY STUPID STUFF IS STUPID AND GIMMICKY, ADIDAS

What’s even more offensive? THE SHOES ARE HIDEOUS. They look like cages for the feet. Is that how your shoes relate to falcons? You’re putting your feet in captivity too?

cc_genius_2

these look like iron maidens for the feet

Pictures from the rest of the launch

Oh, and Ana Ivanovic also launched some 30 Minutes with Myself campaign (or whatever the hell it’s called). WHY DON’T YOU SPEND 30 EXTRA MINUTES ON YOUR GAME, DUMBASS.

ana2

i don't see how putting on arm warmers is "me time"

In short, adidas, stop pissing me off.

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4 comments

  1. i hope you’re happy. i shot sprite out of my nose reading this. now my nose burns and that shirt is still fucking hideous.

    fml

    1. i hope nando pulls a hrbaty and just cuts some holes in the back

  2. by the way, i just realized, that ana campaign makes it look like she’s 30 years old with the “Ana, 30″ thing

  3. i have tears running down my face from laughing so hard at ur post. that was absolutely epic. i just cudnt agree more with eveything u said. how refreshing to read a blog by a fellow federer fan. ur going on my quick links. awesome.

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