Robin Soderling is (according to the informative London commentators)
“one of the biggest clubbers in town.” Can’t you just imagine him all covered in glitter dancing to Womanizer?
a germaphobe. He opens doors with his elbows. So, imagine him coming out of all those London club bathrooms ELBOWS FIRST.
very protective. I went to go follow Robin on my twitter account (not yourvolleyssuck) when I find out that the little SOB had BLOCKED ME. I began to sob at the thought of not being immediately notified of Robin’s latest tweet about granola bars or sunglasses when it hit me. He blocked me because I insulted his sunglasses. Yes, these sunglasses. I may or may not have told him that he looked good in his girlfriend’s glasses. Apparently, he finds an insult about his sunglasses more offensive than whores.
English commentators are just as informative and knowledgeable about tennis as American commentators. Take a look at some of their great quotes throughout the week:
“Both guys have been creaming the ball.”
“Kafelnikov was always a big boy.”
“Always a good way to make money off Kafelnikov [by playing golf] because he always thought he was better than he really was.”
“You know [Soderling's girlfriend] pretty well, is she wife material?” “Yeah, Jenny’s pretty athletic.”
“Swedes will have 3 or 4 kids before considering marriage.”
“Oil painting of a forehand.”
“You know, when Federer beat Verdasco in Miami, [Federer] really wasn’t playing his best tennis. At all.”
“We were talking about the embarrassment about being 5-0 down.” [in regards to the Murray-Del Potro match]
“Murray needs to assert himself more…that’s where the TOP TOP guys are good…guys who win majors.”
The first set is kind of important. Looking at you, Federer.
Speaking of Andy Murray, he and long time girlfriend, Kim Sears have broken up. This makes me genuinely sad. I’m going to miss their romantic moments like when
he gave her a matey high- five after his triumph at London’s Queen’s Club – and kissed his mum Judy instead.
:’( RIP. At least I’ve still got Roger and Mirka for a PDA-filled relationship.
Fernando Verdasco is kind of bad at tennis. GIF made on behalf of talulah21 (it’s a YVS exclusive ):
Coming up…a new Better Know an ATP Player!!! I know you’ve missed those. Have a lovely end of 2009, everyone!
Today, I checked my email and I received an email from, I’m assuming, a reader of this blog! (One of four. Whatever, I’ll take it.)
Not only did I love this gesture, but the email itself was auhhhh-mahhhh-zinggggg. Behold:
Hi Your Volleys Suck,
You might like this. I took inspiration from your lovely gifs, after all.
Kolya sends his love!
Hehe.
There. Are. No. Words. My little readers are all grown up! :’)
Look at that beautiful craftsmanship that tells such a wonderful tale. The Jack Daniels in the corner (substitute for Smirnoff) representing his Russian heritage; the piles of money in the corner symbolizing the p1mp lifestyle he leads and his recovery from those false match fixing allegations; the Kanye glasses because ~he got it like dat~; the French beret…I could go on and on about this. I give it an A+!!! (For a second, I thought his tournament pass was part of the blingee…)
I encourage everyone to submit their own auhmazingggg blingees so I can make them my computer wallpapers (and stop making real Your Volleys Suck posts). Also, whoever sent me this email please identify yourself in the comments for a gif prize!
So, we all remember a few months back when the Bryan Bros were in the studio “recording” “raps” and we all had a good chuckle and went about our merry ways? Well, the song has finally “dropped” (as they would put it) and it’s, um, “interesting.” (Please note my extensive “” usage and enjoy it.)
Here’s the full song with Novak and Andy rapping. I KNOW.
(Okay, after 10 minutes of trying to upload this, I’ve just decided to link to an outside source. Will try again later. )
Thoughts?
- Whoever is playing that piano is mighty talented.
Aaaand, I’m done reviewing! I have to say, I was mightily disappointed. I mean, yes, the guys do have a funky fresh beat, a charming falsetto, genius lyrics, and some great accented voices chiming in so I can barely understand the rap, but it just doesn’t compare to BANGS. If I had heard this song a day before I heard BANGS, I would have just put my hands down and said, “Game Over.” But, BANGS has raised the bar so high I can barely SEE IT. Now, who is BANGS, you ask? I answer, only THIS genius:
That’s probably his masterpiece although he does have maaaaany brilliant hits like “My Life is Hard,” “Never Call U Bitch Again,” and “My Special Girl” just to name a few. I’ll leave you with a message from BANGS that is exceptionally close to my heart. Maybe if Richie/Ernests/Agassi/ATP TOUR had heard this message, we wouldn’t have the BOMBSHELL!!! rankings. :’)
Even Kenneth the Page is just jamming to all the awesome music in this post.
So, some of you may have noticed the shiny new link My Lovely Lady Picks here on the blog. (Bonus points to anyone who gets that reference.) Well, it’s finally been updated with my picks so feel free to go over there and check it out~.
Also, Your Volleys Suck was tricked into getting a twitter because WordPress made it seem like you could synchronize blog updates with a twitter account. Well, you probably can, but I’m too slow to figure it out. So, I will be manually (-___-) updating the twitter. CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW THE YVS TWITTER.
A happy post for cheeriness. (Especially after University fail. :’( )
Gael is not having it and neither are those children.
1. Gael Monfils‘ absolute aversion/hatred for small children. He looks suspicious of them. Probably because they’re so small and fidgety. HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THOSE FIENDISH SMALL PEOPLE ARE UP TO
2. Roger Federer’s innate uncoolness. Seriously? Seriously, man? This fashion disaster hits particularly close to home as my mother has been desperately trying to get me to wear a long version of Federer’s puffy coat (edit: we don’t actually know how long this coat is…I am legitimately scared that it might be floor length) only less shiny and less lame. And maybe some fur. (WHY YES, I DO ROLL WITH THE FUR.) Um, sorry to say, but this is reallllly not convincing me to wear that coat, Mom. Just, no.
3. Novak Djokovic’s perpetual attention seeking. He is the Lady Gaga of the ATP Tour. He’s quite insane, loves attention, and is really good at what he does. Buut, still insane. I have no idea where the hell he even bought this mask. He probably just packs it in his suitcase for special events like trick-or-treating, ATP slumber parties, and, of course, the occasional masked ball. Because, you know, everyone loves a scary as hell part of a skull.
2. Andre Agassi. I go to the Yahoo!Tennis page to get my morning dose~ of tennis when I see this lovely headline: Agassi says he took what he believes to be speed.
Look, I don’t know whether this is his midlife crisis or whatever, but he just needs to stop. No one cares about some bald 80 year-old weaving tall tales about how he used to be “hip” and “trendy” once. Just. Stop. You’re not getting any street cred, grandpa.
3. People not named Roger Federer, Rafa Nadal, or Mandy Murray.
Look, we all know the Brits are kind of weird. So I guess having creepy, blurred shapes in the form of people in the background is appealing to them? There’s definitely a hierarchy of blurrage here: clearly, Nole > Delpo > Roddick & Verdasco >>>>> Tsonga. With the amount they blurred him, you can tell he’s definitely at the bottom of the ATP social ladder.
In other news, Roger’s playing Basel and Mandy’s playing Valencia. Yay.
Okay, so the sarcasm doesn’t really work when it actually was breaking news, but let’s get real. Was anyone really surprised that a man who actually appeared in public multiple times with variations of the following getup was under the influence of drugs? And not just drugs, but THE WORST DRUG EVER. Seriously, kids, if you’re going to do drugs, don’t do meth.
My favorite bit about this little ~bombshell~ in the tennis world is how confused other people (read: tennis players) are about why Andre decided to come out with this news now.
“To me it seems terrible,” world number two Nadal said at an awards ceremony in Madrid on Thursday. “Why is he saying this now that he has retired?” – Yahoo!Sports
I don’t know why he would come out now. – Martina Navratilova, Yahoo!Sports
Gee, why would he come out now? It can’t be the fact that he has a book selling for $31.99 coming out soon. (SIDENOTE. Dude, your life is not that interesting. For $31.99 you better be including some meth.) Or the fact that he will likely face ZERO consequences now. Nooo, it couldn’t be any of those things. The real reason why Andre came out with this story now? He wanted to get some action on the bombshell!!! rankings. Oh yes, he saw little Ernests making his way up those rankings with those Swedish prostitutes and he was like, “If Ernests can get to No. 2 by soliciting sex, I definitely could get up there.” Basically, he was thinking WTA ~style~.
Well, Andre, you’re getting your wish. Agassi’s ranking on the bombshell!!! scale:
Funny story: A few years ago, Roger Federer was asked to read the Top 10 list on Letterman’s show. Mirka took one look at the content, declared it too sarcastic and they walked out of the studio. – Jon Wertheim Mailbag
And since I haven’t posted a gif in what, the last five blog entries (record), here’s one of my ~excitement~:
Your Volleys Suck is a sometimes clever, sometimes cynical, sometimes fangirl-y, usually satirical, and always sarcastic blog that comments on the ridiculous world of professional tennis.
Disclaimer: EVERYTHING SAID HERE IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. PLEASE TAKE ME AT FACE VALUE.
Contact me at lovefifteen@gmail.com with comments, questions, concerns, or gifs. (Gifs always appreciated!)
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